Series One | Series Two | Series Three | Series Four

Series One

Flushed

Steve is attempting to dump Jane but she won’t accept it. In the same bar, Patrick is trying to dump Susan, but she humiliates him by saying she didn’t really think they were actually going out together. Jane and Steve have a short-term but very physical reconciliation in the ladies’ toilet. Steve bursts out of the cubicle to get a condom, trips over, and lands at Susan’s feet. They’ve met before - she’s a workmate of Steve’s best friend, Jeff. Neglecting to tell her that he has another girlfriend locked in the cubicle, Steve asks Susan out.

On their first date, all their friends find a reason to tag along too: Jeff, in mortal terror that they will talk about him; Jane, still under the illusion that she’s Steve’s girlfriend; Patrick and Susan’s best friend Sally, on a rebound date. Having tricked Susan into showing them one of her breasts, the six sit down to dinner.
 

Size Matters

Susan and Steve prepare to go on their first date (or at least, their first date without their friends gatecrashing.) Susan suggests that she’ll cook, sparking debate as to whether that means she’s inviting Steve to have sex too.

Susan tells Sally - and Steve - that Patrick is particularly well-endowed. This leaves Sally with a tricky dilemma: she’s always sworn never to have sex with a Tory, but Patrick is a very big boy... Meanwhile, Steve is increasingly intimidated by Patrick’s huge reputation, until Susan finally puts him at ease.

Sex, Death and Nudity

When her aunt dies, Jane insists that Steve comes with her to the funeral. So far, so good, until Jane adds that this would be a bad time to tell her family that they've split up. Understandably, Susan won’t let Steve go unless she comes too, so that she can keep an eye on them. She brings Patrick as her date, Patrick brings Sally, and Jeff comes too on the grounds that he’s the only one who actually knew the deceased.

Paranoia about inappropriate behaviour ensues, until Jane breaks the tension by laughing during the minute’s silence.

Meanwhile, Jeff fights interview nerves by imagining everyone naked. This backfires somewhat when he walks confidently into his interview, only to be confronted by his reflection in a mirror - naked.

Inferno

Steve is plunged into total panic when he suspects that Susan has found one of his porn videos. To fill the embarrassing silence, he tells her he loves her, but Susan is well-aware that he was merely panicking.

Susan invites all the friends over for a dinner party. Jane brings her therapist, Jill, who everyone assumes is there as Jane's date. In front of everyone, Susan insists that Steve justify his passion for the offending porn film, Lesbian Spank Inferno. In his impassioned defence of the male sex, Steve accidentally tells Susan that he really does love her.

The Girl With Two Breasts

Jeff and co. can’t take their eyes of a beautiful stranger in their local bar. And the girl can't take her eyes off Jeff. Jeff goes over to talk to her, only to discover that she doesn’t speak a word of English, which to Jeff of course is quite a relief. Her interpreter, Alice, tells Jeff she’s Israeli, then whisks her away.

The next day the girl is back and Jeff attempts to chat her up. With neither speaking a word of the other’s language, it is an utter disaster. The girl is led to believe that Jeff fancies Alice, not her. Jeff is led to believe that 'Shadayim' is the girl’s name, when in fact it’s Hebrew for 'breast'. The heartbroken girl reluctantly arranges for Alice to meet Jeff at the bar the next day. When Jeff says to Alice, 'I’m sorry, I was expecting Shadayim,' the flat-chested Alice punches him in the face.

The Cupboard of Patrick's Love

When Jane goes round to Patrick’s flat unannounced, 'to heal our spiritual divide', she discovers that he has a cupboard full of videos. Videos he’s made of him making love to various women. Word gets round, and Susan visits Patrick to ask him never to show 'her' film to anyone.

She’s too late: Patrick, Steve, Jeff and Sally are all watching it already. Even worse: the woman in the film isn’t even her, and nobody noticed. Patrick has taped over her. Furious with everyone in the room, she tells Steve that it’s all over between them. The next day she goes over to Steve’s flat and asks him to propose to her. Unfortunately, the moment is somewhat spoilt by the fact that Jeff is lurking in Steve’s bed.
 

Series Two

The Man With Two Legs

Jeff has fallen in love with a woman who gets on his train every morning. By the time he gets a chance to speak to her he is in such a state of hyper-tension that he manages to blurt out that he’s only got one leg. Chrissie is enchanted, thinking Jeff is very brave.

She introduces him to her brother, who is an amputee, and his disability support group. She also offers Jeff a night of passion with her and her gorgeous flatmate, and a whole load of saucy lingerie. A weeping Jeff begs Sally’s new boyfriend to chop his leg off.
 

My Dinner In Hell

Steve and Susan are watching a documentary on telly, and the narrator says that all men masturbate, even if they are in a stable relationship. This sends Steve into a new realm of embarrassment.

Susan’s parents, who are notoriously frank in discussing matters of a sexual nature, arrive for supper. In his paranoia, Steve imagines that they are taunting him about his masturbatory habits, and furiously asks them to leave.

Meanwhile, Patrick has tracked down a vibrator that an old girlfriend modelled on his own member. He presents a gift-wrapped copy to Steve, who then innocently passes it on to Susan’s Mum as a peace offering.

Her Best Friend's Bottom

Susan’s latest project is to choose some furniture for the flat that she and Steve will share together. Against the backdrop of selecting fabrics, the truth slowly emerges about a deep mystery: why Steve and Sally have suddenly started acting so strangely.

Steve went to Susan’s flat unannounced and saw Sally emerging from the shower. That was a forgivable accident - but why did Sally then remove the towel and ask Steve whether he found her attractive? Her excuse takes everyone by surprise: she needed reassurance because she’d just been to bed with Patrick. And for the first time ever, Junior Patrick had failed to jump to attention.

The Melty Man Cometh

Sally can’t resist the idea of Patrick the human tripod any longer. She suggests that they finally get it together. Bizarrely, and for the first time in his life, Patrick finds himself unable to perform. Sally is convinced that she has become repellent to men, and confronts Patrick in a desperate attempt to reclaim her self-respect. Either he admits that she is hideous, or he admits that he is impotent. Patrick suggests a third way: they should just have sex.

Both have terrible second thoughts. Sally worries that she is putting Patrick through agonies just to boost her self-esteem. Meanwhile, Patrick struggles with ‘The Melty Man’ - the embodiment of impotence. Both of them realise the unthinkable: the real problem is that they actually care about each other. Patrick is triumphantly standing to attention, but Sally has slipped out of the flat without saying goodbye.

Jane and the Truth Snake

Jane’s boss Jeremy sacks her from her job reporting traffic jams after she instructs London’s drivers to close their eyes and meditate. A distraught Jane attempts suicide with some pills she was given at a party. In her addled state she creates a pink sock puppet called Jake the Snake, who always tells the truth.

Having said some truly appalling things to Sally, Susan and Steve, Jane uses Jake to insult Jeremy too. He declares she’ll never work for the station again, but the public send in so many letters of support that Jane is reinstated.

Meanwhile, Patrick is about to dump his latest girlfriend, Linda, because she’s ruled out the possibility of having a threesome. She announces that she’s changed her mind, and Patrick rushes back to her flat in anticipation. His disappointment is hard to hide when Linda introduces him to his new playmate for the evening: Jeff.
 

Gotcha

It’s the anniversary of Steve and Susan’s first date and they are going to a posh restaurant to celebrate. Inevitably, speculation mounts that Steve may propose to Susan. While Jeff and Patrick advise him, Jane and Sally get drunk and miserable at the prospect of being left on the shelf forever.

Some hurtful comments from Jane make Susan feel insecure, so she begins to view a meal in the restaurant as some sort of military campaign to get Steve to prove he prefers her to Jane. Wearing a gorgeous dress, she tries some desperate measures to arouse Steve, and finally dupes him into admitting he wants to marry her.
 

Dressed

Jane is invited round to dinner by Bill, a good-looking man she met in the bar. She decides to make a lasting impression by turning up wearing nothing underneath her cute little trenchcoat. Unfortunately, on arrival she discovers not a romantic dinner for two, but a dozen other guests.

Meanwhile, Patrick is locked in insane competition with Ivan, an acquaintance from work. Ivan has a glamorous trophy wife, so Patrick decides he needs one too, just for the evening. He recruits Sally for the part, then changes his mind and claims Susan for his 'bride' (he 'needed a blonde'). Seeing Susan pretending to be Patrick’s wife finally makes Steve’s mind up for him: he proposes to Susan in front of the whole group, and she accepts.

Naked

Jeff has finally found his female counterpart, a woman who can’t help blurting out ridiculous things if she's attracted to someone. It seems that their mutual uselessness will prevent either of them from asking each other out. To make matters worse, Julia is a senior manager at his firm. After a sequence of typical Jeff blunders, he is in despair. Steve comes to the rescue and tells Julia that Jeff is in fact very keen on her.

Julia kisses Jeff and he thinks that his luck has at last changed. She leads him blindfolded into a conference room, and Jeff assumes that she has lured him there to have sex. He does an ecstatic strip tease. Unfortunately, Julia was leading him into his surprise birthday party. Everyone files out in mortified silence but Julia makes amends by doing a private striptease of her own for Jeff.
 

The End of the Line

Steve and Susan’s relationship is drifting into a new phase. They are beginning to get on each other’s nerves. A bizarre set of misunderstandings brings on a crisis.

Susan’s phone is accidentally swapped with Jeff’s, resulting in Susan finding out that Steve gave his number to a girl he met in the bar. It seems that the honeymoon is over and Susan walks out of the flat in tears. Is this the end of the line?
 

Series Three

Split

The action begins where it left off at the end of series 2 - Steve and Susan have had an argument about their future, and Susan storms out of Steve's flat in tears. The screen splits into two and we follow what happens to both Steve and Susan simultaneously.

While Steve tries repeatedly to ring Susan, his courage failing ever time, the girls are locked in a debate over the merits of 1471, and what it means if the phone "chirps". Eventually the tension at both ends of the phone gets too much. The boys and the girls set out for "the Temple of Woman': the girls' case, a beauty salon; in the boys' case, a lap dancing club.

Steve gets hideously drunk, and phones Susan as soon as he gets home, pleading that she come back to him. She does just that.

Faithless

Jane and Jeff are both having difficulty keeping the faith.

Jeff is sent into a spiral of tension when his attractive colleague, Wilma, asks him out for a drink. Is Wilma about to make a move on him, or does she just want to be friends? If she's interested in his arse, then surely he shouldn't be talking to her, what with him having a girlfriend. But to refuse the date would be to assume that Wilma fancied him, and she certainly hasn't made that clear. Unable to face this challenge alone, Jeff rigs up his mobile phone for the date, so that his friends can hear his conversation with Wilma, and give him advice. Wilma puts her cards on the table straight away: she fancies Jeff and she wants to know if he fancies her too…

Meanwhile Jane is thrilled by the arrival of a new member of staff at the station, right from the moment he smoothly parks his huge, red sports car into a tight little hole. Mmm. Jane is not the sort of girl to be put off by the fact that James is the station's religious broadcaster, nor by the further complication that their first date is at a Christian discussion group. Hope begins to fade when James tells her that he doesn't believe in sex before marriage (although Jane does helpfully offer to take her top off if that will ease the situation). Despite this inauspicious beginning, James gives Jane a passionate kiss. Why is he bothering with her? Because he has faith.
 

Unconditional Sex

We pick up the action where we left off at the end of the last episode: with Jeff trying to work out how (or even whether) to refuse unconditional sex with Wilma. Meanwhile, his friends are still listening and offering advice via the mobile phone.

Jeff is no match in this debate for "devil woman" Wilma. She knows every argument that Susan (the expert in getting her own way) has ever used. Jeff paints himself into a terrifyingly extreme conversational corner, until he blurts out that the reason he can't have sex with Wilma is that his girlfriend is dead.

Wilma drives Jeff home, but decides to try once more to seduce him when they get to his flat. Unfortunately, Jeff's girlfriend, Julia, has been struck down by flu and is asleep in Jeff's bed. Seeing Julia's bare feet poking out from the duvet, Wilma makes the not-too-far-fetched assumption that this strange man who can't stop talking about his dead girlfriend has in fact just killed her. Wilma flees the flat, and Jeff says to Steve, "well, I think that basically went OK."

Remember This

Sally is surprised to say the least when Patrick arrives at her flat at three in the morning to get rid of a spider for her. It turns out that he dreamt her distress call. What can this mean? Does Patrick subconsciously want to protect Sally? More shockingly, does Patrick have a subconscious?

Encouraged by their friends, Sally and Patrick independently tell the story of how they first met. It was at Susan's office party. The attraction was instant. Sally got horribly drunk and the two of them had a romantic embrace in the cloakroom. We see the scene from both points of view: the inebriated Sally believed she was acting cool when she gave Susan's phone number to Patrick. Sober Patrick actually remembers that it was Sally's number he was asking for.

Back in the present, the pair are troubled by the fact that they have got close, and yet never seem to get any closer. Nothing is ever going to happen between them now. Patrick and Sally agree to see less of each other.

The Freckle, The Key, And The Couple Who Weren't

Steve is suffering from a bout of hypochondria, thanks to the discovery of a mole on his bottom. This leads to a bitter argument with Susan, about how well the pair can remember each other's blemishes. Steve feels hurt that Susan can't remember if the mole is new, and Susan becomes paranoid about the possibility that she too may suffer from freckles in her otherwise-perfect private regions.

The argument is settled when the gang are introduced to Jane's new boyfriend, James. It turns out that Jane has perfect recall of Steve's mole. And it also turns out that James has perfect recall of Susan's "nether freckling" - the two of them were briefly an item at university.

Meanwhile, a kinky evening with Julia goes horribly wrong when Jeff swallows the key to the handcuffs. Things go from bad to worse when Julia's ex, Joe (a man prone to violence), turns up at her flat demanding to see her. Jeff narrowly avoids being beaten to a pulp, but his heart is in even greater danger of being broken than his bones. It seems that there's a lot of unfinished business between Julia and Joe.

The Girl With One Heart

Susan has invited everyone over for dinner, which as we know is just asking for trouble.

Steve is particularly worried because Susan has recently redecorated the bathroom, and removed the lock, thus robbing him of his Fortress of Solitude. Sally's worry is that Patrick is bringing his new girlfriend: she's frightened that she will overcompensate her feelings of hostility towards her new rival by being embarrassingly nice. Patrick dimly perceives there might be a problem, so has told Jennifer that Sally is a lesbian.

Jennifer turns out to be Sally's worst nightmare: "slim and interesting." She pays Jennifer so many compliments that Jennifer assumes Sally is making a pass at her. Over dinner, Sally is horrified to discover that Jennifer thinks she is a lesbian. She furiously blurts out, in front of everyone, that it's Patrick she's mad about, not Jennifer. Ouch.
 

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

Sally is terrified that she might be pregnant, so she takes a pregnancy test and asks the other girls to do the same so that she knows what a negative result looks like. In her fluster she gets the tests muddled up. One of the girls is pregnant, but which one?

Is it Sally? Well, she did have sex with awful Peter on the night that Patrick came to save her from the non-existent spider.

Is it Jane? Well, with James away, she was so desperate for sex that she even briefly toyed with the idea of doing it with Jeff. But the pizza delivery man was on hand, so to speak. So, yes, it could be Jane.

Is it Susan? She reveals that she has recently discovered she has a medical problem which prevents her from having children. It would take a miracle for her to be pregnant.

Patrick asks Sally to meet him at the bar, where he tells her that he does in fact love her. Jane spoils the romantic mood by bursting in, proclaiming joyously, "I'm not pregnant!" Sally is devastated. Then Susan arrives with a new bombshell. A miracle has happened. She and Steve are expecting a baby.

Series Four

Nine and a Half Minutes

One bar, three different points of view, the same nine and a half minutes. Susan and Steve are now pregnant (well, mostly Susan); Patrick and Sally are discussing commitment (well, mostly Sally) and there's this guy called Oliver who has a blind date with Jane. But is his job going to be a problem?

Meanwhile, in the skies above an Aegean island, terrible danger grows. Featuring hot girl on girl action with Gina Bellman and Sarah Alexander.

Night Lines
Late at night and a phone call that Will Not Die. You know how sometimes you can't get someone off the phone? There are too many people in this phone call. And one of them isn't really there.

Meanwhile, Susan is worried she's turning into an emotional tent; she and Steve are now well and truly an item - so why is he dreaming about being executed by a method Never Before Seen on British Television - and chased by a foetus with an axe?

Bed Time

Since the dawn of time, men and women have been falling in love - and men have been trying to get straight home afterwards. Can Patrick ever find his way home from the Enchanted Glade of his one true love and get a decent night's kip?

Circus of the Epidurals

It's time to start attending antenatal classes. Susan need a back-up birth partner, Steve is haunted by the ghost of spanking lesbians past and Sally is seeking the solace of a string quartet. Meanwhile, Jane is trying to find a way to out-keen Oliver.

The Naked Living Room

Is it possible that life-time loser in love Oliver might just get somewhere with life-time loser in love Jane? Trouble is, how can you win the heart of a good woman, when your flat is a little 'un-edited', and your living room has lost the battle with magazine nudity?

Nine and a Half Months

The night before the birth of his first child, Steve is visited by an old friend. Or possibly an old maths teacher… Meanwhile, someone is trying to get into Jane's flat, and an extraordinary secret is lurking inside the cupboard of Patrick's love.